AUTHOR OF ARCHENEMIES AND PERCIVAL GYNT AND THE CONSPIRACY OF DAYS

Percival Gynt and the Lack of Clocks

   Wednesday, June 6, 2018 at 11PM

As a reminder, Percival Gynt and the Conspiracy of Days isn't your only entry point into the worlds of Percival Gynt. Consider this:

Percival Gynt and the Lack of Clocks is the first installment of Percival Gynt and the Other Stories, the new web series hosted at drewmelbourne.com/otherstories. These stories are spoiler-free, standalone prequels to the novel Percival Gynt and the Conspiracy of Days (which, of course, is now on sale at Amazon.com).

New stories are added to the Other Stories site every six weeks. Next up, Percival Gynt and the Forking of Time.

 

The Future is Here

   Tuesday, May 29, 2018 at 3PM

It's official! My debut prose novel, Percival Gynt and the Conspiracy of Days, is now available in print and ebook formats at Amazon.com.

Set 18000 years in the future, in a time of starships and sorcery, of cosmic horrors and existential absurdities, Conspiracy of Days tells the story of accountant and part-time hero Percival Gynt and his galaxy-spanning quest to find a legendary doomsday weapon before it falls into the wrong hands. (And of what happens when it falls into the wrong hands.)

Conspiracy is a sci-fi/fantasy adventure novel full of swashbuckling, math, dark secrets, space-faeries, obtrusive product placement, Nazis, beating up those Nazis, unlimited baked beans, zombie cyborg assassins, fate with a capital "F," love, betrayal, wizards, jokes, paradoxes, a sentient doomsday weapon, eleven-dimensional space, clones, monsters, space-nuns, and at least one rat-chef.

(Only one rat-chef.)

If you like Doctor Who or Hitchhiker's Guide, Saga, Redshirts, Thor: Ragnarok, or The Princess Bride (or absolutely none of those thing!) you'll love Percival Gynt and the Conspiracy of Days.

Conspiracy is supported by a free online short story series under the banner "The Other Stories of Percival Gynt." The first of these stories, "Percival Gynt and the Lack of Clocks," is available now at drewmelbourne.com/otherstories.

 

Funny Story

   Thursday, May 24, 2018 at 8PM

One time, maybe 18-19 years ago, when I was just starting out at a new job, I accidentally sent a half-written email to 50,000 people.

Something like that maybe just happened.

More details on Tuesday.

 

Responsivating the Website

   Sunday, May 13, 2018 at 12PM

In advance of book launch, I figured it was a good idea to beat this website with a CSS stick until it met responsive design standards (i.e. so it doesn't look stupid on your phone). Took me a few days, but I think it's basically where I want it.

Some hiccups along the way.

KEEP READING "Responsivating the Website"

 

Test

   Wednesday, May 9, 2018 at 5PM

This is a test of a thing.

 

So Where Is It?

   Tuesday, April 10, 2018 at 12PM

The astute among you may have noticed that I never gave an exact release date for my new novel, Percival Gynt and the Conspiracy of Days. The promo image on the website says only "Materializing 2018," which was less intended to provide me wiggle room than it was to give me my own wiggle village.

Wiggle village! Doop! Doo-de-doop!

That said, I always had a target release date in mind. The astute among you might have even guessed it from that same promo image. (And no, the release date was not "sometime in the year 20,018.") And if you guessed it, you might have also noted that that date has now come and passed. Bummer.

Wiggle village! Shoop! Scoobily-poop!

So what happened? Why did the date slip? When might it have slipped to? And why is this song so catchy???

Wiggle village, wiggle village! Gonna wiggle all over this tow-oun!

KEEP READING "So Where Is It?"

 

New Novel Mostly Potatoes

   Sunday, April 1, 2018 at 12PM

Most folks who follow this blog know that I have a new novel coming out soon called Percival Gynt and the Conspiracy of Days. Today I am pleased to reveal that this novel will be MOSTLY POTATOES.

WHAAAAT?!?

KEEP READING "New Novel Mostly Potatoes"

 

Lo, There Shall Come a Back Cover

   Tuesday, March 27, 2018 at 7AM

We are living in the last days! (...before my novel comes out. If these were the ACTUAL last days, it would severely cut into my sales.)

Behind the scenes, it is definitely in "crossing i's and dotting t's" mode. This is the penultimate phase before "wait, I got that backwards, let me fix that" mode.

While you wait, here is another teaser, the 99.99% finalized back cover of the print edition:

KEEP READING "Lo, There Shall Come a Back Cover"

 

Best Pie Charts

   Wednesday, March 14, 2018 at 11AM

In honor of (and perhaps slightly misunderstanding) Pi Day, here are the three indisputable best pie charts.

(Note that there are many different versions of each of these. But these are pretty good versions of each.)

Visit the artist's DeviantArt page.

From GraphGraph.com.

You can buy this on a T-shirt from Nerduo.

Mmmmmmmm, lasers pie. Happy Pi Day, everybody!

 

Jokes Drew Can't Tell

   Friday, March 9, 2018 at 12PM

Seth Meyers is probably my favorite late night talk show host these days. I like John Oliver and Samantha Bee too, but they only go up once a week. Meyers, who's on most weeknights, fills that void in my life that opened up when Jon Stewart left The Daily Show I decided that Trevor Noah wasn't very funny.

Meyers is topical, good at screeds, and generally has his heart in the right place. (I do wish he'd stop doing those "He looks like..." bits where he makes fun of the looks of people he thinks are bad people.) One of his most reliably funny segments is "Jokes Seth Can't Tell," where he's joined by two of his writers, Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel, who help him to tell jokes about women, black people, and gay people. And it's okay, because Ruffin is black, Hagel is gay, and they're both women.

The thinking is that the same joke is funny or racist/homophobic/sexist depending on who's telling it. If a straight white guy tells a joke about black people, it's at their expense, but if a black woman tells the same joke, it can be self-aware and self-deprecating and funny. ("And where's the equality in that?" says the racist homophobic sexist.) When you're in a safe space, where everyone is in on the joke, this kind of humor can be really silly and fun and satisfying and non-bigoty.

So that's "Jokes Seth Can't Tell." Now let's talk "Jokes Drew Can't Tell."

KEEP READING "Jokes Drew Can't Tell"

 

2 Tortoise 2 Hare

   Tuesday, February 27, 2018 at 3PM

You're probably familiar with the fable of "The Tortoise and the Hare." (Or as it was known in the original Greek, "The Turtle and the Rabbit.") But did you know that there was a sequel to that story?

It goes like this...

KEEP READING "2 Tortoise 2 Hare"

 

Toxic Masuclinity Ruined BLACK PANTHER

   Thursday, February 22, 2018 at 2PM

Black Panther was a solid movie. Maybe the best of the Marvel Studios films. But it wasn't a GREAT movie. Ultimately, it was let down by the same tired trope that most superhero films fall victim to: An ending that, um... Oh.

There may be some spoilers in your future.

KEEP READING "Toxic Masuclinity Ruined BLACK PANTHER"

 

41LT: That's, Like, Your Opinion

   Friday, February 9, 2018 at 8AM

I have been telling people they're wrong on the internet for over 20 years. At a certain point, you find that you're repeating yourself. In the interest of saving myself some time and frustration, I will sometimes put together my thoughts on a topic here, in a recurring feature I call "For One Last Time."

Today we're going to talk about people who go online and insist that the latest well-reviewed, well-received, high-grossing movie is THE WORST THING EVER.

SPOILERS: It's possible we may be talking about The Last Jedi.

Let's do this.

KEEP READING "41LT: That's, Like, Your Opinion"