Welcome back to the greatest website, ever.

Now, I know what you're thinking: How can I be so sure that my website is the greatest website ever? Good question. Very good question.

Um.

Now, I will certainly concede that "ever" is a very, very long time. Certainly, I could have taken the easy way out and said that my website is "mostly" the greatest, ever. Or I could have said that my website is the greatest website of the past, say, fifty years. Or I could have distracted you with shiny lights and run away.

Do you like shiny lights?

Never mind.

But I won't. I won't back down from my claim that this is the greatest website of all time, because clearly it is! It's true that I don't have dancing gerbils or an animated American flag at this site... yet. But otherwise, I suspect you'll find everything that you could ever possibly want in a webpage. Webpages. In a webpages. In...

You'll find lots of stuff here.

For instance, I have a link at the top of the page that takes you to another site that I'm involved with. (Genius!)

And I have an updates page that clearly indicates that this is only the third update I've ever made to the site, even though it's over six months old! (Take that CNN!)

And that's just for starters! I have a hastily written biography that tells you nothing of significance! (Crafty!) I have an out-of-date projects page that highlights two projects that are currently stalled out! (Information you can use!) And I've titled my links page resources so that it seems much more useful than it actually is! (Very misdirectionary!)

Also, you can email me.

Other sites will bore you with "content" or "a reason to visit it regularly," but not this site! So you can leave here today confident in the knowledge that you have seen the greatest website, ever, and that you need never, ever return.

Ever.

And, um, I'm going to try to work in a few more updates in the next month. Sorry. (Sobs like a little girl.)

Please don't go!!!