I completed all of my grad work for the Summer yesterday. The last assignment I had due was a "philosophy of education" paper. Submitted, for your amusement, is the first paragraph of said paper:

The difference between a liberal and a conservative is that a liberal sees a poor, uneducated child and thinks, How can I help this child to overcome his disadvantages, achieve his true potential, and become a happy, healthy, and vocal member of society? A conservative sees the same child, stares him down, and shouts, "Try HARDER!"

I'm not sure if this qualifies as more or less jackassy than the last paper.