Here is a picture of my brand new phone:

This is not the phone I hate. No, the phone that I hate is the phone that took this picture. Because, yes, I may have been the one who decided to take this picture of one phone with my other phone, but, well...

I realize my mistake now.

Phones should NOT be allowed to take pictures of each other. It's bad enough that they let people in two different places talk as if they were standing right next to each other. It's bad enough that those two people can now be virtually anywhere and with nothing but a "magic code" the one phone can somehow find the other.

But now they can trap each other's souls by taking each other's picture, and honestly... That's just too much hoodoo to be carrying around in your pocket.

And that's not even the main reason that I hate my phone. (My other phone.) The main reason is that my (other) phone is smarter than I am.

See, I recently downloaded a chess program onto my (other) phone, and even on the easiest levels, my (other) phone keeps beating me. Sometimes I say, "The computer beat me again," and people need to remind me.

It's not a computer. It's my phone.

Computers I can handle. They're supposed to be smarter than us. They're supposed to build terminators and matrixes and all that. But phones?

If our phones can rise up and turn against us, then we will truly never be safe.

Refrigerators. Can openers. Faucets...

Our enemies are everywhere. Grab your torches and your pitchforks before they go digital too.