Yup. It's that time of year again. December 17th is the fourth annual...

"What's a Double Steak Day?" you deign to ask. Here's a helpful ditty that will tell you all you need to know...

(to the tune of R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet, Part 6)

We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
Now please eat two steaks!

Two steaks you will eat,
But at separate meals!
And steak and eggs doesn't cow-ount,
So don't pull that crap!

We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
Please, please, eat both steaks!

Each year Double Steak Day is celebrated,
On the third Sunday in December,
Or the second Sunday, if the third is too close to Christmas.
Don't worry, we'll let you know if that's the case. We know that it's a hard rule to remember!

We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
Dude, seriously, eat two steaks!

Have one steak at home,
And another outside!
Have one with your family,
And one with people you like!

We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
Steak, steak, steak, steak, steak!

If - and only if - you're a vegetarian or can't eat steak for medical reasons,
You can eat two grilled-cheese sandwiches instead,
But how you get them into the steak house of your choice
Is entirely on your head!

We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We apologize to - but unfortunately cannot accommodate - Vegans!

You have to play checkers,
At least once on Double Steak Day!
If you want, you can make a wager,
And the worst player pays!

We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
Eat two steaks or your dead to me!

Double Steak Day is abbreviated:
DSx2!
Do not abbreviate it "DSD" or,
There will be sudden, unexpected, and unpleasant consequences!

We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
We wish you a Double Steak Day!
MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE ROOM!

Happy Steak Day, everybody!

If you'd like to observe Double Steak Day, but you still have questions, please email me at my special holiday email: DSX2@DrewMelbourne.com.

As ever, all responses will be given in carol form.