I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I am now gellin'. As of 7:48 pm EST on January the 19th, I am no longer a human being. I am a half-human, half-massive tool abomination. Behold my shame...

But I have to tell you, they are extremely compellin'.

Next week, I plan to apply Head On directly to my forehead.

Life is no longer worth living.