I just want to take a moment to assure all you Obama supporters out there that if I'm elected president, there may still be a place on the ticket for Barack Obama.

To further reassure you that all is not lost, I have compiled a short list of other potential presidents who are also willing to appease you by letting Barack Obama be their VP. They include:

my mom
your mom
my boss
my roommate
that guy I buy stamps from
my cat
Steve
gorilla with Hitler's brain
everyone else
Hillary Clinton

So fear not, Obamalama Ding Dongs! Even if your candidate loses the Democratic primary this year, you may still see him serving as Vice-President under me, someone I know, a cute little kitten, a Nazi, Hillary Clinton, or some other candidate with a 0% mathematical chance of winning the Democratic nomination.

(Go Barack.)