Book in the Onion Box
06.06.08
Here's an indication of how underwhelming the world is in comparison with how whelming we might like it to be...
The other day I was heading home from work, and I picked up a copy of The Onion from one of those plastic bin things that they have on street corners that are probably called something but that I don't know the name thereof, so I'm just going to call them Onion Boxes.
Anyway, inside the Onion Box, sitting on the pile of free fake newspapers was a blue book. I was curious enough to take the blue book out and take a look at it, and even take a picture for you, my humble mother audience:
I can also tell you this, from my cursory examination of the book interior (not pictured): The book was full of charts and prices for books with obscure names like "Philatelic Catalog of Brazil".
Also the end pages at the end were kind of sticky.
Now, someone else coming across a blue book in an Onion Box might think to him/herself, "Yay! Free book. Now, if only I knew what gender I am!"
Me, I've seen the Bourne Ad Infinitum, so I know that blue books in Onion Boxes are actually clues left by secret agents for other secret agents to tell them where the next action sequence will take place.
I realized as I stood there, out in the open, taking pictures of the book, flipping to the sticky pages in the back, trying to unstick them, that if I wasn't careful, a motorcycle might drive off a roof and land on me and then explode while the hero leaps to safety.
So I put the book back where I found it.
And, I'll be honest. I didn't know what "Philatelic" meant, but I was kinda hoping it would mean something cool, like "nerve gas" or "CIA black sites" or "ninja sex kittens."
When I got home, I opened up a can Wiki-hoop Ass on that adjective, and apparently "Philatelic" just means "stamps something something."
And "Philatelic Literature" means "books about stamps and stuff, I guess." And "Priced Guide of Philatelic Literature" means "yes, people actually pay money for blah blah blah is there a new Battlestar on tonight?"
Now, I don't want to say that stamp collecting is boring.
[awkward silence]
So, um, have I mentioned that I went to the midnight release party for D&D, 4th Edition last night? That's right. I now have a copy of The Player's Handbook in hand. How awesome am I?
[more awkward silence -- which is to say "more silence which is awkward," and not to suggest "silence which may or may not be directly related to previous silences, but which entails a degree of awkwardness more intense than the awkwardnesses related to any previous silences."]
Anyway, I checked this morning, and if you're missing a blue book about whatever it was I was just talking about before I stopped caring, it's still there waiting for you in the Onion Box.
Please don't make your motorcycle explode on my face.