I remember a debate during the primaries when he was answering an audience member's question about education. The audience member was a teacher (like his wife), and the question was really stacked to play to his strengths. But in his answer, it sounded like he was yelling at the woman.

Whom he agreed with.

Yesterday, he gave his first big speech as the VP candidate. Obama seemed a little bit off his game in his intro, even introducting Biden as the next President of the United States. (What do you know that we don't, Barack?)

Biden had similar problems throughout his speech, saying the wrong word here or there. "Version" instead of "verdict." "Hearth" instead of "harsh." "Ralty" instead of "Reality."

At one point, perhaps as karmic retribution, he boosted Barack by declaring:

One man stands ready to deliver change we desperately need. A man I'm proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States! Barack Ameer!

Who is this Barack Ameer person and how can I vote for him?

Well, Biden was working off written notes instead of the Obamaprompter, so these kinds of bloops can easily be forgiven.

More disturbing, if not surprising, was the banality of his speech. He actually started and ended his speech with a Lincoln quote. (Only one rhetorical step above beginning your speech with the words "The Webster's Dictionary defines Vice-President as...")

He also managed to cram the word "dreams" into one passage of his speech six times, culminating with this sad clunker:

As you know, it's not just the millions of people facing foreclosure. It's the tens of million of your neighbors who are seeing the values of their homes drop off a cliff... along with their dreams.

And while he did a good job of boosting Barack and knocking McCain and the current administration, he did occassionally lapse into wild, ridiculous overstatement:

And this may be our last chance to reclaim the America we love, to restore America's soul.

Literally? Well, no. No, we know when Biden is being literal, because he specifically uses the word "literally" in each sentence. Sometimes more than once.

I counted close to a dozen literallys throughout his speech, including three in this passage:

Folks, again, it's not political sloganry when I say we literally can't afford four more years of this non-energy policy written by and for the oil companies, making us more and more dependent from hostile nations on our ability to run this country and literally, not figuratively, literally putting America's security at risk.

This is helpful information for the undecided voter who believes that we only figuratively can't afford four more years of this non-energy policy, and that we are only figuratively putting America's security at risk.

I, for one, had previously thought that our inability to afford four more years of this was merely a metaphor for our nation's sexual impotence.

Thank you, Senator Biden, for showing us the way. I promise to only figuratively hit you with a wiffle bat, should we ever meet.

All jokes aside, the rality is that Joe Biden wasn't chosen for the Veep slot because he's a brilliant orator. He was chosen for the depth and breadth of his experience in national and international affairs, and he was chosen because he won't flinch from painting John McCain with the Bush brush.

For those who are understandably confused, let me just take a moment to reassure you that Biden will only figuratively paint John McCain with the Bush brush.

If he literally paints McCain with a Bush brush, you'll know that something has gone deeply and disturbingly wrong in American politics.

So, to summarize:

Yay, Biden! Go, Obama! Please stop America from going off a figurative cliff alongside the value of our homes and also our dreams.