From the mind that brought you Double Steak Day comes the next great American holiday:

National Should We Go Back in Time and Kill Hitler as a Baby? Day
 

As you may or may not know, Adolf Hitler was born 120 days ago today. And what better way to acknowledge the birth of one of history's most horrific mass-murderers than with a holiday devoted to considering the ramifications of building a time machine, travelling back in time to the day of Hitler's birth, and suffocating him in his crib?

Consider the moral implications!
Is it ever right to kill a child, even if you know he's destined to one day commit genocide?

Consider the risks!
Is it possible that klling baby Hitler would lead to the rise of an even greater evil?

And for the love of all that's good, consider the paradoxes!
If you killed baby Hitler, adult Hitler would never have existed, so how would you have known to go back and kill him as a baby?

Ah, NSWGBITAKHAAB? Day! The only holiday that asks us to consider whether if, by snuffing out the life of an abhorent proto-dictator, we might inadvertantly tear a whole in the fabric of space-time that could destroy the entire universe*.

Take that, Arbor Day!

Songs, activities, and in-questionable-taste merchandise to follow.

 
(*Still totally worth it.)